


Does It Dark Matter?

by TheIntelligentHufflepuff



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Comedy, Drabble, Friendship, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-10-27 03:37:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17759045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheIntelligentHufflepuff/pseuds/TheIntelligentHufflepuff
Summary: “My friends,” Thor announced, striding into the Revenger’s base (read: Loki’s boyfriend’s former university’s theatre studio) “I think we should start a detective agency.”(Short AU comedy drabble ft. Thor wanting to impress Jane, and the Revengers being themselves)





	Does It Dark Matter?

**Author's Note:**

> This was so fun to write! It's a thank you to my friend for donating to some fundraising I'm doing for charity, and apart from requesting Thor she gave me free reign.

“My friends,” Thor announced, striding into the Revenger’s base (read: Loki’s boyfriend’s former university’s theatre studio) “I think we should start a detective agency.”

 

“Fuck that.” Valkyrie snorted, before promptly chugging a beer. 

 

“You’ll get cirrhosis.” Bruce muttered wearily, barely surfacing from the mountain of academic texts he was buried under. 

 

Valkyrie threw him a peace sign. 

 

“Well,” Thor prompted, arms splayed out in front of him in expectation “Are you in?” 

 

Bruce grimaced, pushing his glasses up his nose only for them to slide back down again “I don’t have time. Sorry.” 

 

“I have time.” Valkyrie smiled, flopping down over the entirety of the one sofa that for some reason always stood in the corner of the room “But I’m still not gonna do it.” 

 

“Why not?” Thor moaned, still stood two steps in front of the doorway, completely oblivious to the fact that Loki had appeared behind him twenty seconds ago. 

 

“Seen any crimes around here, big boy?” 

 

“...No.” 

 

“Exactly.” 

 

“We could commit some.” Loki suggested, making Thor jump literally two feet in the air (then spin around, then drop-kick Loki into the stairs). 

 

“Ouch.” Bruce intoned sympathetically. 

 

Righting himself, Loki brushed off Thor’s apology and strode into the room “It’s not really criminal if you catch yourself, is it?” 

 

Thor smiled warmly “That’s an excellent idea, brother.” 

 

Loki rolled his eyes dramatically and somehow succeeded in obtaining a mojito in the process “Forget a man’s related to you  _ one _ time…”

 

“Can’t detect it if we did it.” Valkyrie pointed out. 

 

“Weeeell,” Loki drawled, sipping from his mojito innocently “If half of us commited the crimes, then half of us detected them…”

 

“Loki,” Thor huffed, crossing his arms like someone’s  incredibly buff, incredibly disappointed-not-angry mother “are you trying to engineer an opportunity to terrorise people?” 

 

Bruce actually glanced up “Of course he is, Thor. Just like the last five times.” 

 

“I’m not surprised.” Thor scoffed, trying very hard to look as if he genuinely was not surprised. 

 

Loki preened at the success of his dupe, resting his weight on the balls of his feet so that his heeled boots lifted ever so slightly off the ground. 

 

“That’s embarrassing, dude. You’ll never be taller than Thor.” Valkyrie helpfully informed him. 

 

He frowned at her, but sat down. 

 

Ignoring the whole exchange, Thor pushed the matter at hand “Do  _ none _ of you want to be detectives? Even a  _ teensy  _ bit?” 

 

“Nope.” Valkyrie answered on all their behalfs; she frowned, pointing her bottle accusingly at Thor “Why do you? Really?” 

 

He froze, eyes darting back and forth “I don’t know.” 

 

“Yes, you do.” 

 

“No, I don’t.” 

 

“Yes, you do.” 

 

Thor deflated shamefully “Yes, I do.” 

 

“It’s Jane, isn’t it?” Valkyrie asked sympathetically. 

 

Thor nodded “She said she can’t find her dark matter.” 

 

Bruce snorted, fell silent for all of one second, then dissolved into giggles. Valkyrie glanced over, checked him out, then went back to smirking silently over Thor’s confusion. Loki went back to consuming his mojito like it was the torrid embrace of a  long lost lover. 

 

“Sorry,” Bruce gasped, shaking his head “Sorry. But do you know what dark matter is?” 

 

“Yes, of course. It’s-” 

 

“ _ Something  _ the humans don’t know everything about yet.” Loki interjected, looking significantly to Bruce. 

 

“Wait,” Bruce started up, eyebrows shooting up his forehead like the O.K. Corall  “Asgardians know-” 

 

“ _ Nothing  _ about dark matter. Which, by the  _ way,  _ Thor, is only a bit less than humans do.” 

 

“Oh.” Thor said. 

 

“Oh.” Valkyrie echoed. 

 

“So, Jane hasn’t-” 

 

“No.” 

 

“None of them have-” 

 

“No.” 

 

“Ah.” 

 

Thor fell into what could, roughly, be considered a contrite silence. At last, he seemed to resolve himself to something and spoke. 

 

“My friends, we should become physici-” 

 


End file.
